To know when your family is complete

How do you know? Do you just... know?

Do you just wait? Wait and see what God hands you? Wait until you're children are grown into teenagers and are finishing high school?

How do you know?

I've got 2 children. A boy and a girl...and a dog. The "Million Dollar Family" is mine. Life seems to just work. A child for each of us to be "in charge of". Two car seats in the back and breathing space. We don't need a minivan. We have just enough seats around the dining room table. When we go to a restaurant, most tables are made for four. We have a three bedroom house, perfect.

But are we done? I don't know. Maybe. Maybe not.

My husband has recently asked me if he should go get "fixed". We've talked about it before James was born and he agreed that when it came time he would go. But I told him no. We are young, our children are young. What if?

Do we ever really know? I think some people, somehow, know. I don't know how, but after one child they seem to be done. At least for a few people I know this has been the case. And they were so sure that they already went to extreme measures to ensure that they were done.

Babies are beautiful little beings. Amazing and sweet and so very soft and then they are not babies anymore. They come with so many responsibilities and before they are even born your agenda is full. Your life is full and busy. But it goes by so quickly. They are on their own and independent far longer than they are in your arms or in your home.

It's the sad reality of raising human beings. You don't get to keep them.

I think it's easy enough to just say, for now, our family is complete. Our family is just right.

And really, I think that's all you can say, unless you take precautionary surgical measures to ensure there will be no more children.

It's a tough question. People ask me and I reply, "Probably. Maybe. I think so. ....I don't know." I am happy. So very happy and busy and euphoric with the two little beings I have. They are the only little people that are half of me at this point and unless another baby "happens". We are complete.

How do/did you know when your family is complete?

The Birth of James

Finally. It only took me two months.

With Leah I was 40 weeks 3 days when she was born. That was nothing compared to being a week and 5 days over my due date with James. I think most people - myself included - expect that baby will come between 37 and 40 weeks. But definitely not 41 weeks! Well, let me tell you. Expect baby at 40 weeks, because that stretch of time between 37 and 41 weeks? Brutal. That's a whole month. A month of thinking "okay, any day now!" Needless to say, I never expected to ever be 41 +5 weeks pregnant. Definitely didn't think I would need to be induced. Especially considering I was dilated 3-4cm for over a week, and had 5 stretch and sweeps!
I apologize in advance for how long this may get, I'm really going to try to write every detail I can remember. Brace yourself....

Knowing the day your baby will be born is a crazy thing. It's scary, and the most nerve wrecking thing, ever. The anticipation is unlike anything else. On September 18, 2013 I went to bed at a reasonable time, preparing for an early rise. At 6:00 am. the alarm went off. I showered and got Leah up to start getting ready for school. I was supposed to meet my midwife at the hospital for 7:30, and Matt was just going to get Leah on the bus and come to the hospital after. But at 7:00 my midwife calls. She had just been up for over 24 hours at another birth an hour away. So she asked if I could meet her at the hospital for 11 instead, so she could get a couple hours sleep. Obviously I was okay with that - the poor woman. But seriously!? Another 4 hours I had to wait...


We were at the hospital for 11 and we were put in the triage room for our ultrasound to make sure the fluid levels and breathing all checked out. It did (yay!). My midwife, Esther, got there around 11:15 and she got us into a nice comfy room to start the induction. At 11:35am, she broke my water and gave me a quick stretch and told me to go walk around the hospital for a couple hours. We did some walking. My mom came for a short visit and joined us down in the cafeteria for some lunch, we did more walking. And contractions started coming. Five to six minutes apart, strong. I kept walking.



We got back to our room and told Esther the progress and she checked me, I was still 4cm. She told me that if I don't start progressing that oxytocin would be a good option to kick start things. I said no, that I really wanted to wait it out a bit longer. At 2:30, contractions were strong enough that I didn't want to leave my room. I paced the room, grabbed on to furniture, Matt. Then I got the birthing ball. That thing really works! What a difference I felt in intensity. I would say around 4:30 she checked me again and I was only 5-6cm. Esther said that if I did choose to get the oxytocin that it would speed things up and baby could be here in a couple hours, or I could keep going. I did not want to be stuck in a bed, unable to move and be restricted by a needle stuck in my hand. But I just felt like it was moving too slow for me, and I trusted my midwife. I continued for a little longer on my own, postponing the oxytocin for as long as I could. I got the oxytocin and saline drip at 5:30. Maybe a minute later, contractions doubled in intensity. Crazy intense, teeth baring, bed gripping contractions. Unlike any feeling in this world. Esther checked me shortly after and I was already at 9cm (woah!). She said there was a small amount of cervix covering the baby's head and that she could remove it with the next contraction. Well. Haha. The next contraction came as soon as I said ok. And just as it started I screamed "No, no! Get out! Get out!" There was no way I could do that intense of a contraction with her hand all up in there. Instead, I got on my hands and knees, which let me tell you, that far into labor is a battle all on its own. The second midwife walked in then. Hot flashes started and my sweet husband, doing all that he could do, got cold clothes and dripped them over the back of my neck (heaven). I also recall sneering at him and saying "STOP smiling!" (little did I know, he was just smiling at the midwife) which obviously only made him giggle more. Men.


Five minutes after I switched positions, at around 6:00pm, I got this intense, so intense pressure. The no-doubt-about-it-I-gotta-push kind of pressure. I flipped back over and both midwives were by my side, my feet on their hips, my hands wrapped around my husband's. Three contractions later, at 6:14pm my sweet James was out and on my chest. Warm and slippery. And then he pooped. And then he pooped again. Our amazingly big boy, weighing in at 9lbs 10oz (but I'm guessing he was closer to ten before those two poops).



My mom brought Leah around 8:00 to meet her new brother. She walked in and looked so nervous. I said "Remember how mommy's belly was really big, because baby James was in there? Well, he's here now, see." She says "Ya!! But, Mommy... your belly is still big." Oh that girl. She kissed him and fell in love immediately.

I remained on the oxytocin for about 6 hrs. after he was born. When you have a big baby, you're chances of hemorrhaging are greater. So, every two hours I got tummy checks and baby James got his sugars checked. Everything was great, perfect. He started nursing well right from the beginning (thank you, God).

Such an amazing experience, and I am so grateful for the midwives I had. I'm so glad and proud of myself that I went through with a natural childbirth. How many people can say that nowadays? When medicine and intervention is so common. It is so worth it to feel your baby coming into the world. Leah's birth story will be coming soon, the details aren't as fresh in my mind as James's are.


No matter how your baby comes into the world, its truly amazing and a gift, a blessing. A life-changing experience that you won't ever forget. But coming from someone whose experienced and epidural birth and a natural birth, in all honesty, it is so much worth it to go natural. The healing process is unbelievably faster. Things work better 'down there' with a natural birth. And this is coming from someone who gave birth to an almost 10lb baby naturally. You heal better! Labor can seem so long and pushing can seem so long, and usually with your first baby labor tends to be longer, and pushing longer. But when you look back it seems like it was over in a flash. All I'm saying is, educate yourself. Don't be naïve. This is life, and this is what God created our bodies to do.

A friend wrote to me a quote: “Remember this, for it is as true as true gets: Your body is not a lemon. You are not a machine. The Creator is not a careless mechanic.” - Ina May

To my future self, re: kids, remember.

Dear future Megan,

Remember looking at that positive test. The joy?

You do good during pregnancy. You are one of the blessed few who doesn't get morning sickness. You actually gain weight in the first trimester. Up until the baby starts pushing on your bladder and making it hard to put socks or shoes on, or hard to breathe, you're golden. You're tired though. Real tired. Imagine the exhaustion while pregnant with two children running around. You'd pull through.

Remember the first time hearing that quick little heartbeat. The ultrasounds? The good news, and bad news. Remember the feeling of finding out the gender? Remember sharing it with your husband. His joy. How about picking out names? That's always hard, and fun. Remember the baby showers? Getting ready for baby's arrival. Washing and folding the tiniest and cutest clothes a human could ever wear.

Remember the anxiety leading up to birth, it's scary man. But remember?... God was with you and He helped you through it.

Remember those contractions. Those ones right near the end. The death grip on the hospital bed rails, your husband's hands. But remember?...It was over so quickly. So quickly.

Remember the urge to push, and how intense it was. Remember?...It was fantastic.

Look up, you remember seeing that baby come out. Remember the holding? The warmth. The relief. The presence of God. You did it. And just like that, it's over.

And you're home. Recovering. With you're new baby.

Remember the learning to breastfeed, both of you. Remember?...that special, unique bond?

Remember the first week home. The (literally) painful sleepless nights. But remember?...Everyday is a new day, a new accomplishment.

Remember adjusting to having two children. Splitting your time. Missing the time with your older one(s). Remember?...There's always a way to make it work. Be patient.

Oh, remember. The smell. That sweet, clean, milky, new baby smell. Remember how quickly they grow and change.

Remember, a baby doesn't last long. Shortly after - you have a child not a baby, in school. Learning to take on this world all on their own. Remember the little attitudes. The not-listening, the whining. The children all crying at once(!!). Remember laughing at it though? Remember your lack of patience. Remember, you have no idea what their teenage years will be like. One day when you're about to make a very big decision, and you can't think clearly, come here. The good, the bad, the ugly. You know what I mean. Talk to God and just pray. He will guide you, He'll let you know whether it's the right decision or not. He's always in control, He knows. Trust Him.

But just remember. The love. That multitude of love.