Yes, I AM Enough

I've recently noticed how little time I've been devoting to God. I've just become so busy and caught up in everything, and although I make a conscious effort to pray with my kids every night, I've been forgetting about the time with God that I need - for me.

This entire post began as a prayer in my journal. And it quickly turned into a general devotional, perhaps one that I'll need to look back on one day. It all started with Ann Voskamp's blog post, about being enough, because Jesus is enough.

Except, I don't feel like I'm getting enough Jesus. Because I feel like that post was written for someone - people, who are persistent in their prayer lives, dedicated more than I, but who still feel lacking. I just know that after reading that I felt two things; guilt and love. Guilty because, perhaps, I'm not where I feel I should be as a Christian or doing what I feel I should be doing. And love because it was so beautifully written and God-breathed that even in my moment of self consciousness and doubt, I still felt His love radiating from that screen. And when I followed up with a prayer-turned-devotional...well... He "fixed" me right up. Brought me back to where I should be.

Sometimes the commotion, busyness, and distractions of this life begin to smother that fire you have inside. Your fire for God. The fire starts to choke out, begins to stifle your breathing. And you get so focused on the smoke, the fog spreading before you like a flowing dam set free. Gushing. Your mind needs clearing, your mind goes to God. You remember to stay low, lower than the smoke, and you crawl your way back to the fire, to fan the gift God gave you - build it back up (2 Timothy 1:6). It will burn hot once again, flames licking the sky, smoke dying down.

Satan may be the sprinkle rain fighting our fire, but God is our match, our light, our torch. He is the beginning to our every fire that burns. He never goes out, our main resource in times of need and desperation. (Isaiah 10:17)

Jesus was the light of this world, who became our torch when He died at Calvary. We can very well kindle to the burning hunger of our own fires inside but we need to realize and prioritize this essential necessity as Christians. We are armoured against the choking smoke of Satan. But we can't just stand there doing nothing. It's our responsibility that we nurture our fire - our relationship with God - before we nurture anything else. We have to use the tools and gifts we were given to refine it. We are after all, all apart of God's army, Children of God, heirs to the Kingdom of Heaven. This is who we are. We fight Satan everyday. And everyday we win. We win! Thank goodness for God's infinite love, for His sovereign ever-burning torch - Jesus.    

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9

Ann Voskamp sure was right about one thing. Our King Jesus is enough. Everyday He is enough. He knows the number of hairs on our heads (Matthew 10:30), He has knitted us together (Psalm 139:12-13), and has known us before the beginning (Ephesians 1:4 & Jeremiah 1:5). Of course He understands us, our busy lives - He's given us that too! So even in my busyness, yes.

I am enough. 

Sadness in my head. Love in my heart: Verse of the Week

 

Yesterday, February 25th, in the early morning hours while at work, it began to snow. And it didn't stop. Big chunky, pretty, feathery flakes came quickly but peacefully.

Near 6:30 am a co-worker came in telling us she witnessed a fatal car accident less than an hour before. A family traveling from Alberta. A mother, a father, and a young child -- killed on impact. Another, a baby, less than a year old, airlifted to hospital.

My stomach was in instant knots and I felt sick. I wanted to be home immediately with my two little treasures, hugging them, holding them, loving them. And I wondered, what was the last thing they all said to each other? Were they on their way to see family? I can't even begin to imagine. I honestly don't even know how she still made it into work given the weather and witnessing what she had. I asked her probably 20 questions and started praying almost immediately for that family and that poor baby who is now without parents and a brother or sister. Alone in this big scary, mean world.

I also questioned God.

It's just so hard for us to comprehend His reasoning sometimes. Especially for things such as this. John 16:33 - we are told there will be suffering. But there is also the gift of free will. The opportunity to choose. Choose to do something good, something right, or to do something bad, wrong -- sinful.

And there will be love. No, not will be, there was -- there is love. God did not create evil. However, he did create the potential for evil. Because this (free will) was also the only way to create the potential for goodness and love amongst us. It was us who brought this evil into the world. Humankind. And I think its important that we remind ourselves of this. We are always so quick to blame God and get mad. But He also gave us love.

And real love always involves a choice. Love has the highest value in the universe.

I love how C.S. Lewis put it:

"Why then, did God give them free will? Because free will, though it makes evil possible, is the only thing that makes possible any love or goodness or joy worth having.

If we were all programmed like robots to say "I love you" it wouldn't actually be love, would it? My daughter's doll that says, "I love you, Mommy!" Does not actually love my daughter. C.S. Lewis goes on to say:

"Of course God knew what would happen if they used their freedom the wrong way: apparently, He thought it worth the risk."

This is one of my favourite quotes of his. This end of the quote also reminds me of Romans 8:28.

Let's just rejoice for a moment, in this moment of heartache, in knowing that it's not over -- it's not! Because sometime soon, we will be with Jesus and we will be with our loved ones once again, if we just ask Him to be our friend, our saviour, and know that he hung up there on that cross with us in mind. Can you imagine that day? Can you imagine the happiness, the joy? The smiling? God says there will be no more pain, no more sickness or tears. But I wonder, will there be tears of happiness?

I didn't actually plan on this post being a Verse of the Week post but, God works His ways, doesn't He? What other way to end this post but with a verse and a prayer? So here it is: Romans 8:18.

 

Dear Father in Heaven, I am grateful and honored that you would share this gift of love with us, the gift of free will, and the gift of eternal life with You in Heaven. Although our hearts may break for those in pain and suffering, you tell us to have courage and to seek you in times of need. Please provide this family with love and comfort and encouragement and may they seek you, Father, and find you during this horrible time in their lives. To you belongs all the glory forever, Amen.



Weekly Scripture Challenge

As if life hasn't gotten busy enough, here I go thinking of something else to use up my time. Except this? Is about love. It's about peace. It's about Grace. Its about Gratitude. It's about Him. Time with Him. It was one of my New Year Goals.

I have been so blessed these last couple of months, my family has been blessed and I am just so excited to see what God has in store for us. My school has been put on hold and I've found a job! (Another New Year Goal completed!)

So, now what can I do for Him? What about a weekly scripture? ... for me, my kids, my husband, for you, if you would like. I don't know about you but everything is pretty busy around here now that my husband and I are working, Leah is in school and all while still trying to keep house and entertain and love on my littles. But this is something that can be easy. It can be done at bed, at the dinner table, during breakfast, or all three. It doesn't have to be anything major but by the end of the week, if my daughter has learned a new verse, that would be enough to make my entire week!



Lets start off with James 5:16. Do you have anyone that you feel comfortable enough to confess your sins to? I have a few people I'm comfortable enough around to confess most sins. But for the ones that I'd rather not share? I turn to God and ask his forgiveness. I can count on him to keep my secrets and understand my faults. One day, when my children come to me with their issues and embarrassments or problems, I just hope I have enough grace by then to understand and forgive. And enough knowledge to guide them and help them when they need it.

Lets pray: Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for your mercy, your grace and your faith in me. Thank you for these precious little gifts that I get to raise into adults. Please give me the courage and confidence to confess and confide in a friend without feeling judged. I pray for knowledge and understanding as my children look to me for answers and forgiveness as well. Thank you for your many blessings each and every day. I love you.
In Jesus name, Amen.

One day I'll cherish these crazy moments. But for now? SCHOOL! Hallelujah!

Ah, school is back!

Okay, seriously, raise your hand if you were counting down the hours until school started back up. I love having Leah home and spending time with her and all, but they both just nag and nag and nag. Not just me, each other. One wants this movie on, the other wants that movie on. One is calling out from the bathroom, "MOM! I pooped, come wipe me!", while my husband and I quickly scramble to shout, "NOT IT!" (for the record, he's always most always the first to declare "not It"). The other child is hauling around the family-size box of Fruit Loops barking like a seal (seals bark, right? Whatever, that noise is) and pushing his Thomas the Train cup at me to top 'em up for the 124,999th time that day (I think he needs an intervention).

Well, Hallelujah, thank you Jesus for teachers and all that they do for us parents at home.

There's no more not as much fighting between the kids, Leah is magically happy with whatever is on the t.v. when she comes home, and honestly, she's more willing to help occupy her brother, and he certainly misses her, too.



James still barks like a seal but he also has started this sing-song "ga-ga-ga-GA!", so he's switchin' it up a bit. The box of cereal also still gets carried around but he has started eating 3+ bananas a day as well (which equals 3+ more diaper changes that Dad is not It). Big changes I tell you. Kid is gonna be jacked!

Gratitude (or not) for the season.

I've been so filled and humbled by His grace lately. My heart has been so at peace.

Im sitting here, under my heated blanket with a fresh pair of knitted slippers on, sipping on my second cup of coffee and clutching my book, staring out the window.

God has been busy, intricately designing each beautiful snowflake and having them fall perfectly peaceful along the tree branches.

Although im not a fan of bundling up the kids (which could take 15 mins) or stuffing them into their carseats, scraping off ice, brushing off snow, cold toes, runny noses, freezing vehicles, slippery roads, road salt all over my boots, shoveling, copious amounts of snow brought into the house, ....

Where was i going with this? ....

Oh. Right. ALTHOUGH i don't like a lot of things about winter, i DO enjoy the cozy warm part. The outside looking in part.

But i am still so amazed at the beauty of it. And i praise God for His articulate,  holy hand.

I Went and Got Snarky. Oops.



I've got this lady on Facebook who uploads close to 40 photos a day of her two children. Half of them are the same, just different expressions. The other half show all kinds of new things they get daily. Toys, hair clips/headbands, a scooter, a helmet, running shoes, a dress, clothes etc. It's extremely excessive.

I'm sure you know the kind of people I'm talking about.

This morning I went on Facebook to find yet another forty-something photos added to her "Halloween 2014" album. I couldn't help but comment:

"WOW!! Halloween?? ....Christmas must of come early at your place! This girl gets new stuff every day! She has tons of frozen stuff! Lol and i thought Leah was spoiled. She's one extremely lucky girl."

 

Snarky? A little.
Rude? Maybe.
Necessary? No, not really.

Her photos and the obscene amount of things she gets given is just annoying. It's compulsive. It's extreme. And frankly, there's no need of it. I don't usually like to stir things up and cause drama but this is just plain irritating. I mean, I like to get Leah new things. A new toy here and there or a trip to the corner store to pick out some goodies, but I don't go full out nuts. 

Yeah, sometimes it's exciting, getting to re-live some childhood fun, buying new toys, but when is it enough?

Christmas for example, Leah usually gets spoiled. My family sends a package for her with presents, my mom usually has a mini Christmas over at her place for her, then "Santa" comes, and Boxing Day we are usually with Matt's family who gives her a little something too. Her birthday is just a week later so maybe its just the incredible amount of "stuff" that December brings. 

 

Anyways, I'm going to admit, half of what she gets given she barely plays with. It sits in her room or in the basement not getting played with. Maybe some kids play with everything that they've been given but my daughter doesn't. She's not a home-body though either...she spends a lot of time outside.

But how in the world can the kids even find time to play with all that stuff? I find its just a waste. A waste of money and space.

This whole situation reminded me of this scripture:

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal; for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Matthew 6:19-21 

 

Why not use that money to put into a savings account or just put aside for their schooling? Or use it to buy something for a child whose family can't afford it.

This year we are filling a shoebox with some things like hygiene items, school supplies, toys, and candy. It gets sent to hurting children around the world. You can find out more about here. I'm looking forward to spreading the love of God and teaching Leah all about the joy in giving. I would rather her be more glad to give than to get.

That's a hard characteristic to come across.

 

Today's Treasures

The crisp, cool nighttime air. Fog laying low between trees. Its been raining all day and the earth is soaked with cloud water.

The breeze breathing through my open window. A busy road remains busy nearby. Sounds of transport trucks' tires slicing through puddled laneways.

The sky is an orange-kind-of-grey, keeping the stars hidden from our eyes. And I breathe in that chilly nocturnal air.

I smell the rain before I hear it but I listen for it anyway. The steady tiny drumming on the rooftop. Generously and faithfully nourishing the earth.

One does not need to hear the rain to know that it is there. One simply needs to inhale the fresh and poignant perfume of life. The waters of Noah dispersing here and there.

And just like Noah's waters a memory floods my mind. Driving from the farthest West to the farthest East. Nine days traveled and a dozen 7 year-old memories saved. 

The journeys and adventures God has guided me through are what makes appreciating life's details so easy. The memories He's helped create are constant reminders of today's treasures.

Winter Can be Over Now

 

Winter. Bleh.

This Winter has seemed like the longest winter ever. Near the end of Fall Matt had said "I want to get a bunch of snow this year, like we used to get when we were kids".  Be careful what you wish for! We got it.

It was nice to finally have a white Christmas and be able to make a pretty awesome snow fort. And although Winter is almost (should be) over, we have yet to go sledding or make a snow man. But with the amount of snow we have? There's still time for that.

I don't hate Winter. It has it's moments of beauty and fun (occasionally), and every time it snows I watch for a long while, appreciating every snowflake. The uniqueness of every one, slowly falling from "the heavens". But? Still, I'm kind of over it.

It is hard lugging a 20+ lb. car seat out of a Jeep (that even I have troubles getting into sometimes) into the cold Winter air, walking through snow. Or the snow pants and snow boots. Every single morning. That's, like, five whole minutes longer it takes us to get ready to leave.

And the sickness. Oh, the sickness. Running noses, coughs, whiney babies. Sickness has not left our house since this cold weather hit. It has not let up. Poor James has been sick the whole 5 months of his life so far, pretty much. But, of course, I am grateful and thankful that this is all my children suffer from. I know there are parents out there sitting in a hospital room somewhere with their terminally ill children, eagerly waiting morning. And I think of them, and pray for them. Because, I can't even begin to imagine.

The wind is howling loud now and the trees are swaying, snow is falling and blowing so you see only white. And I just want health in this home.

 

  

There's something in the air...

Christmas. Its the season. There's something about Christmas (okay, everything about Christmas) that makes my insides all warm and gooey. But why? Why does Christmas make anyone warm and gooey?
 

You order a coffee and recieve that first Christmasy cup. Or the slight excitement of waking up and seeing that beautiful cold, white snow sprinkled on the ground. Hearing your first christmas song of the year, and feeling that warm child-like joy rise up in you. Freezing your hiney off at a Christmas parade. Or getting the tree up, decorated, plugged in, twinkling. Candles burning. Wind howling. Curled up on the sofa under the warmest blanket.
 

Joy.
 

Family gatherings and turkey galore. Poinsettias and gingerbread houses. The box of chocolates sitting on the table. Laughing, smiling. Love. Real joy and gratitude. Because it's Christmastime.

The day we celebrate the birth of our Saviour and Lord. Jesus. Who came into this world just as every other person does. As a baby. Soft and squishy and cuddly and beautiful and innocent. Except He was perfect and without sin. A baby who grew to love us so much more in return. Love us so extremely He ended His life for us. He choosingly suffered on the cross so that we might live forever with him. He brought a man back from the dead! He could have very well gotten himself down from where he was nailed. But he didn't. And he didn't for us. And that's love, true love, real love - the realest of real.
 

He is the reason for the season.
 

Join me in my very own photo-a-day challenge for December. And keep Jesus in the season. The way it should be.

Big Changes and Little Goals - Part 1

We're going all change-crazy over here. Lifestyle change-crazy. At least, I am.

Change number one? Faith. We're just trying to have more of a faith-based lifestyle. I want God to be on my children's mind's everyday. I want them to be thinking about Christ and His sacrifice. His free gift to us. I want gratitude in their lives. I want a clear perspective for them. And I want us to take this journey together. I don't need to know everything about the Bible to teach my children. We just need a heart for God and that hunger to learn.

Two days ago Leah and I started to read together a book called The Lamb by John R. Cross, gifted to her from a very dear friend who is now a missionary working in Africa. We read a chapter a day and then answer the questions that follow. Surprisingly she sits and listens very well, and knows most all the answers to the questions. Which, obviously, makes my mommy-heart all warm and gooey. We also have a DVD with a few Bible stories on it that she really enjoys.

As for me, I've made a goal to read the Bible in 90 days (or less). And no, I'm not starting with Genesis. That long, first book of the Bible that so many people start with but never seem to get through. I started quite randomly with Amos. Mostly because my Bible app told me too with that reading plan, so I just went with it. I'm farther ahead of my reading plan than the app is, so I am hoping to keep it that way.
Next week a friend and I will be starting Beth Moore's women's study on the book of Esther. I'm super excited about that, I've heard great things about her studies!

I'm so eager to learn more and dig deeper into God's Word. And I get to do it with my daughter as well. I can't wait to see the changes this will bring for us and our relationship. My heart is just so happy.

Change number two? ... Diet. But that's in Part 2. So stay tuned. :)