Motherhood Rambling (whining)

Motherhood isn't always sunshine and daisies. At least for me. I kinda squint my eyes in wonder (and maybe a hint of sarcastic judgment) as I scroll through someone's "perfectly happy" Instagram life. Your sweet children are beautiful but all I can think is how the heck does she do it?

Some peoples "bad" days are my good days.

I just want to do this mom-thing right. I just want to raise good children, Godly children. That grow into people I'll be proud of. Is that too much? Is that unrealistic? Because most days im questioning this whole job.

Like, I'm doing it all wrong.

What do you hear during the day? The radio? The T.V? Nothing?!

I hear Backyardigans. All freaking day! Everyday. And then, I go to sleep and I see them. I dream, if I'm lucky enough to go into that deep of a sleep, and they are there. Five dancing little creatures.

Because If they aren't on the t.v. James has a conniption. He maybe watches it for a total of 1.5 hours a day, VERY on and off. But he HAS to have it playing. We have two movies. One that is 25 minutes and another that is 1.5 hours.

Yeaahhh.... Let me tell you. There's a lot of Backyardigan hours in a day. Believe me.

Also? How does one NOT go a little nuts with a child constantly on your leg and another whining in the background while Backyardigans play for the 8th time that day?

Going pee? Yeah... you're not alone. You're never alone. Like, everrrrr.

And I have two children. Reasonably spaced. Nothing crazy like a year or two. No, they are almost 4 years apart. And they still fight. My one year old has known how to pull hair to get his way since he was 9 months old. My almost-5-year-old = whining QUEEN. You ain't heard whining till you heard my daughter. And so, obviously, James has learned this skill as well. Guess what else she taught him. They both sit there shaking their heads no saying "uh uhn!"

I'm just saying.

I thought this mommy thing would be easier.

Children are beautiful, but man is it hard. Worth it, if you come out sane. Well, maybe if you don't come out sane, it's still worth it. But still.

Iv'e had a few days of "MOMMY MOMENTS"!! Pray for me.

Silence. It Really is Golden.

There's no doubt about it, a baby is exhausting. A baby and a three-and-a-half year old? Even more so. I love doing things with my whole family or just a game of Ponies or colouring with Leah, and its such a good time. Making silly memories. Loving on each other. And at the end of the day, rubbing your eyes, sighing with defeat relief.

Where most people look forward to weekends, I look forward to Monday-Friday (recently anyways). While Matt is on day-shift I get to wake up with Leah and James and get her off to the bus stop for school. (Our mornings go so much better than our nights around here.) After that, I come home and relax, or clean, or cook, or write, or relax, or read, or nap, or relax. And its quiet. So quiet. Besides when James is whaling to be fed. But for the most part, quiet. I even leave the TV/music off for the majority of the day. And just listen to the beautiful sound of nothing. It's golden. And I appreciate and need this time so bad. To collect my sanity, breathe, soak up all my squishy newborn-ness that soon won't be so newborn but baby.

I started to think about all of this earlier this morning and felt a twinge of guilt. Maybe because I get to enjoy all this and its without Leah and Matt. And Matt doesn't get to enjoy this. Not like I do anyway. Everyday though, we squeeze in Mommy-Leah time, Daddy-Leah time, and Mommy-Daddy time, so we're really not doing all that bad.
 

When Sunday rolls around, I may be bone-tired to the point of speaking improperly and not making any sense (I recently said "I'm putting James in the closet." rather than "I'm putting James in his car seat.") but the weeks are flying by and we're getting into the groove of this family of four thing. And I'm kind of loving it.