Happy 4th Birthday!!

To my sweet, funny, and excitable little girl.

 

Today is your day. The anniversary of your coming into the world. The day you made me a mommy, and him a daddy. Four years. Four years we've had you, grew you, watched you, loved you.

 

You are so unbelievably unique. Which i admire. So unlike me. So like Daddy. But so you.

 

This year your personality has really shined bright. Really surfaced. You like - no, love - to make people laugh. You are sensitive but daring. Loving but mischievous. You're the life of the party and a social butterfly. Your competitive but a real sweetheart. You love your baby brother and your an amazing big sister.

You're unstoppable and I'm so proud of you.

Your teacher said smiling, "She's the smallest and the youngest, but she's definitely not the quietest!"

I love that you're not afraid to show the world who you are. There is nothing at all wrong with a little more fun, and little more positive, and a little more you in this world. What a party this place would be if more people were like you. I'm so honored to be your Mama.

I wrote this for you before you turned 2. It brings a warmth to my heart to read it again:
This place is her garden. To grow and be unique.
To dig in and explore. To learn and embrace.
This world is her dance floor. She goes wherever the wind blows.
Chasing butterflies and gone-to-seed dandelions.
You are on stage my darling. Be who you want to be.
 
Happy 4th Birthday Sweetheart!
 

6 Years.

So we've officially been together for over half a decade! We're off to a pretty good start if I do say so myself. A lot of marriages don't even last that long. Especially having become parents only a year into a relationship. After 3 moves and two children we're still here, loving just the same - if not more. We have had our fair share of trials and tribulations. Some we're still facing. But? We are doing good. We aren't perfect. Definitely not perfect. We are bestfriends. Him and our children both bring me equal joy. Equal love. Equal laughs. ...equal frustration.

 

He's my Prince in shining armour. He makes me feel safe and loved. He's my soul mate and my person. And he makes doing all this so much easier. God couldn't have picked anyone better to have me live this life with. Raise these two children with. I love that [one of] God's plan[s] was him.

 

Every morning I get to wake up next to that big-hearted man sleeping, mouth open, chest rising and falling with that strong heart beat l know, that heart that full of love for me, too. Always warm. The man I knew as a boy. The boy I loved first. And the man I loved last.

 

Im thankful. And blessed that God made him who he is, despite all that was against him. I love who he has become. He's mine.

Thank you Lord.

A super extra special month

Who would ever think to wonder how much joy and love and extra specialness can fit into one month? Let me tell you - a whole lot.

I'm sitting here, nursing my tiny (or not so tiny) newish baby boy and thinking about this time last year. My body was in the midst of starting life. Microscopic beautiful life. And a few weeks later I'd be peeing on sticks.  A month later I'd get the positive that my husband knew I would. And behold, James. Not so microscopic but oh so beautiful.

And what was I doing four years ago? On new years eve we were not only celebrating the end of a wonderful year and the start of a new one but, we were celebrating our precious, one of a kind, new baby daughter. Who was born just 8 hours before midnight. What a glorious day. The most unforgettable new years eve.

What about close to six years ago? I was just a baby still, a girl finishing up high school as my husband's new girlfriend. We reconnected and had gotten so close in a single month. We were in love and shortly after christmas, he asked me to be his girlfriend. Clearly, I said yes. And I've only loved him more and more since then. He's a good man and I'm so thankful for him - for my bestest friend.

I've come to realize that so much of my life comes back to this month. Leah's due date was even our anniversary! God is so good, and his timing is astounding. Mind-blowing. And its incredible to look back and see the bigger picture. If we trust in the Lord He will make our paths straight. He will guide those paths and influence them. We don't even know where they go, but He can see the finish line ahead of us. And when we look behind us there it is. Our path of life. With shortcuts and detours, mountains and valleys. But we see it. Plain as day. And we realize. This is why. Because this is where I'm suppose to be. And its hard sometimes to let God be on the other end of the Walkie-Talkie and trust Him when you can't see where you're going for yourself. But he does. He knows. And He'll be there to grab your hand as you climb out of that hole.

Enjoy your December. ♡ 

The Birth of James

Finally. It only took me two months.

With Leah I was 40 weeks 3 days when she was born. That was nothing compared to being a week and 5 days over my due date with James. I think most people - myself included - expect that baby will come between 37 and 40 weeks. But definitely not 41 weeks! Well, let me tell you. Expect baby at 40 weeks, because that stretch of time between 37 and 41 weeks? Brutal. That's a whole month. A month of thinking "okay, any day now!" Needless to say, I never expected to ever be 41 +5 weeks pregnant. Definitely didn't think I would need to be induced. Especially considering I was dilated 3-4cm for over a week, and had 5 stretch and sweeps!
I apologize in advance for how long this may get, I'm really going to try to write every detail I can remember. Brace yourself....

Knowing the day your baby will be born is a crazy thing. It's scary, and the most nerve wrecking thing, ever. The anticipation is unlike anything else. On September 18, 2013 I went to bed at a reasonable time, preparing for an early rise. At 6:00 am. the alarm went off. I showered and got Leah up to start getting ready for school. I was supposed to meet my midwife at the hospital for 7:30, and Matt was just going to get Leah on the bus and come to the hospital after. But at 7:00 my midwife calls. She had just been up for over 24 hours at another birth an hour away. So she asked if I could meet her at the hospital for 11 instead, so she could get a couple hours sleep. Obviously I was okay with that - the poor woman. But seriously!? Another 4 hours I had to wait...


We were at the hospital for 11 and we were put in the triage room for our ultrasound to make sure the fluid levels and breathing all checked out. It did (yay!). My midwife, Esther, got there around 11:15 and she got us into a nice comfy room to start the induction. At 11:35am, she broke my water and gave me a quick stretch and told me to go walk around the hospital for a couple hours. We did some walking. My mom came for a short visit and joined us down in the cafeteria for some lunch, we did more walking. And contractions started coming. Five to six minutes apart, strong. I kept walking.



We got back to our room and told Esther the progress and she checked me, I was still 4cm. She told me that if I don't start progressing that oxytocin would be a good option to kick start things. I said no, that I really wanted to wait it out a bit longer. At 2:30, contractions were strong enough that I didn't want to leave my room. I paced the room, grabbed on to furniture, Matt. Then I got the birthing ball. That thing really works! What a difference I felt in intensity. I would say around 4:30 she checked me again and I was only 5-6cm. Esther said that if I did choose to get the oxytocin that it would speed things up and baby could be here in a couple hours, or I could keep going. I did not want to be stuck in a bed, unable to move and be restricted by a needle stuck in my hand. But I just felt like it was moving too slow for me, and I trusted my midwife. I continued for a little longer on my own, postponing the oxytocin for as long as I could. I got the oxytocin and saline drip at 5:30. Maybe a minute later, contractions doubled in intensity. Crazy intense, teeth baring, bed gripping contractions. Unlike any feeling in this world. Esther checked me shortly after and I was already at 9cm (woah!). She said there was a small amount of cervix covering the baby's head and that she could remove it with the next contraction. Well. Haha. The next contraction came as soon as I said ok. And just as it started I screamed "No, no! Get out! Get out!" There was no way I could do that intense of a contraction with her hand all up in there. Instead, I got on my hands and knees, which let me tell you, that far into labor is a battle all on its own. The second midwife walked in then. Hot flashes started and my sweet husband, doing all that he could do, got cold clothes and dripped them over the back of my neck (heaven). I also recall sneering at him and saying "STOP smiling!" (little did I know, he was just smiling at the midwife) which obviously only made him giggle more. Men.


Five minutes after I switched positions, at around 6:00pm, I got this intense, so intense pressure. The no-doubt-about-it-I-gotta-push kind of pressure. I flipped back over and both midwives were by my side, my feet on their hips, my hands wrapped around my husband's. Three contractions later, at 6:14pm my sweet James was out and on my chest. Warm and slippery. And then he pooped. And then he pooped again. Our amazingly big boy, weighing in at 9lbs 10oz (but I'm guessing he was closer to ten before those two poops).



My mom brought Leah around 8:00 to meet her new brother. She walked in and looked so nervous. I said "Remember how mommy's belly was really big, because baby James was in there? Well, he's here now, see." She says "Ya!! But, Mommy... your belly is still big." Oh that girl. She kissed him and fell in love immediately.

I remained on the oxytocin for about 6 hrs. after he was born. When you have a big baby, you're chances of hemorrhaging are greater. So, every two hours I got tummy checks and baby James got his sugars checked. Everything was great, perfect. He started nursing well right from the beginning (thank you, God).

Such an amazing experience, and I am so grateful for the midwives I had. I'm so glad and proud of myself that I went through with a natural childbirth. How many people can say that nowadays? When medicine and intervention is so common. It is so worth it to feel your baby coming into the world. Leah's birth story will be coming soon, the details aren't as fresh in my mind as James's are.


No matter how your baby comes into the world, its truly amazing and a gift, a blessing. A life-changing experience that you won't ever forget. But coming from someone whose experienced and epidural birth and a natural birth, in all honesty, it is so much worth it to go natural. The healing process is unbelievably faster. Things work better 'down there' with a natural birth. And this is coming from someone who gave birth to an almost 10lb baby naturally. You heal better! Labor can seem so long and pushing can seem so long, and usually with your first baby labor tends to be longer, and pushing longer. But when you look back it seems like it was over in a flash. All I'm saying is, educate yourself. Don't be naïve. This is life, and this is what God created our bodies to do.

A friend wrote to me a quote: “Remember this, for it is as true as true gets: Your body is not a lemon. You are not a machine. The Creator is not a careless mechanic.” - Ina May

We made it to two.

Two months. Eeeep! How exciting is that? Okay, you're probably definitely not as excited as I am. But still. I have a two month old! A wholly breastfed two month old! Super proud. I had so many worries and fears about breastfeeding and weather or not it was going to work since it didn't with Leah. But we have fought through thrush and we've gotten this far and its such a blessing, a true gift to have this special experience with him.

Oh heck yeah, you better believe there's nights I just want to throw in the towel (all for sleep mind you!) just to let Daddy feed him. Days where I'm just so exhausted physically and mentally. But it only take about 2 minutes for those thoughts to leave my mind. Because I'm exclusively breastfeeding my baby(!!). Its a dream come true. A prayer granted. And I want to do this for as long as my baby will let me.

Right now he's smiling like crazy. Always smiling. Smiling more than Leah did at this age. He likes sucking on his fists and watching colourful shows like The Adventures of Chuck and Friends and My Little Pony (Leah's fault). He watches us walk around the room and loves looking and listening to his big sister. Also, she still completely and fully adores him. She calls him her honey bear. His favorite person though? Mommy. All day everyday. Daddy is okay too. Mainly for cuddles. But mommy wins all. And believe it or not my two-month old already stares us down while we eat. He's wearing 3 and 6 month clothing. A lot of 6 months. 

We've got our very last midwife appointment on Friday and we'll be finding out all his stats. 

I love having a two-month old!! 

There's something in the air...

Christmas. Its the season. There's something about Christmas (okay, everything about Christmas) that makes my insides all warm and gooey. But why? Why does Christmas make anyone warm and gooey?
 

You order a coffee and recieve that first Christmasy cup. Or the slight excitement of waking up and seeing that beautiful cold, white snow sprinkled on the ground. Hearing your first christmas song of the year, and feeling that warm child-like joy rise up in you. Freezing your hiney off at a Christmas parade. Or getting the tree up, decorated, plugged in, twinkling. Candles burning. Wind howling. Curled up on the sofa under the warmest blanket.
 

Joy.
 

Family gatherings and turkey galore. Poinsettias and gingerbread houses. The box of chocolates sitting on the table. Laughing, smiling. Love. Real joy and gratitude. Because it's Christmastime.

The day we celebrate the birth of our Saviour and Lord. Jesus. Who came into this world just as every other person does. As a baby. Soft and squishy and cuddly and beautiful and innocent. Except He was perfect and without sin. A baby who grew to love us so much more in return. Love us so extremely He ended His life for us. He choosingly suffered on the cross so that we might live forever with him. He brought a man back from the dead! He could have very well gotten himself down from where he was nailed. But he didn't. And he didn't for us. And that's love, true love, real love - the realest of real.
 

He is the reason for the season.
 

Join me in my very own photo-a-day challenge for December. And keep Jesus in the season. The way it should be.

Big Changes and Little Goals - Part 2

So, in addition to the change (improvement) in committing to a daily faith-based learning I've also decided to kick up our eating habits just a notch. I'm terrible for cooking veggies with dinner, I just forget, and I suppose consequently Leah is a picky veggie eater. Okay, okay... she's a picky everything-eater (or nothing rather). Which is odd because as a baby we tried her with everything you can think of, and she loved it all. Now she wont even look at it unless its one of the handful of meals she actually enjoys.

I started out striving to go completely paleo. It lasted about 4 days. I was just tired of cooking (hello, newborn) and frankly, didn't have the time for it. Even the pre-cooked snacks and meal preparation takes time, time that I didn't really have. But? I learned some new delicious healthy recipes that we all love. Homemade almond flour chicken strips (Mmm), strawberry spinach salad (yes please), ahh and creamy tomato and chicken soup (can't get enough). And someday relatively soon i'll post recipes on those - both for you and me.

Now that James is 8 weeks old (TODAY!!), we have established more of a routine. Or rather, I've just gotten used to having 2 children. Whichever it is I have more time to get a little workout in. We own Insanity and P90X. I tried P90X before I got pregnant. And it is intense. I havent tried Insanity yet but id like to. First though, im going to give Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred a go. Start out with a small but decently realisitc goal. I can do 30 mins a day. And I've convinced my mom to come over and do it with me.

I gained 37lbs when I was pregnant with Leah. It took me a complete 3 years to lose that weight plus 10lbs on top of that. I was feeling pretty accomplished. Then I got pregnant with James and I gained 35lbs - in totally different places by the way. 8 weeks postpartum and im down 26lbs with 9lbs left to lose until im back to pre-pregnancy weight. Breastfeeding is helping but ive been this weight since 2 weeks postpartum so I'm pretty sure thats called a plateau.

Starting the Shred today! So if your interested in joining me let me know!! :-)

Here we go!

Big Changes and Little Goals - Part 1

We're going all change-crazy over here. Lifestyle change-crazy. At least, I am.

Change number one? Faith. We're just trying to have more of a faith-based lifestyle. I want God to be on my children's mind's everyday. I want them to be thinking about Christ and His sacrifice. His free gift to us. I want gratitude in their lives. I want a clear perspective for them. And I want us to take this journey together. I don't need to know everything about the Bible to teach my children. We just need a heart for God and that hunger to learn.

Two days ago Leah and I started to read together a book called The Lamb by John R. Cross, gifted to her from a very dear friend who is now a missionary working in Africa. We read a chapter a day and then answer the questions that follow. Surprisingly she sits and listens very well, and knows most all the answers to the questions. Which, obviously, makes my mommy-heart all warm and gooey. We also have a DVD with a few Bible stories on it that she really enjoys.

As for me, I've made a goal to read the Bible in 90 days (or less). And no, I'm not starting with Genesis. That long, first book of the Bible that so many people start with but never seem to get through. I started quite randomly with Amos. Mostly because my Bible app told me too with that reading plan, so I just went with it. I'm farther ahead of my reading plan than the app is, so I am hoping to keep it that way.
Next week a friend and I will be starting Beth Moore's women's study on the book of Esther. I'm super excited about that, I've heard great things about her studies!

I'm so eager to learn more and dig deeper into God's Word. And I get to do it with my daughter as well. I can't wait to see the changes this will bring for us and our relationship. My heart is just so happy.

Change number two? ... Diet. But that's in Part 2. So stay tuned. :)

To my future self, re: kids, remember.

Dear future Megan,

Remember looking at that positive test. The joy?

You do good during pregnancy. You are one of the blessed few who doesn't get morning sickness. You actually gain weight in the first trimester. Up until the baby starts pushing on your bladder and making it hard to put socks or shoes on, or hard to breathe, you're golden. You're tired though. Real tired. Imagine the exhaustion while pregnant with two children running around. You'd pull through.

Remember the first time hearing that quick little heartbeat. The ultrasounds? The good news, and bad news. Remember the feeling of finding out the gender? Remember sharing it with your husband. His joy. How about picking out names? That's always hard, and fun. Remember the baby showers? Getting ready for baby's arrival. Washing and folding the tiniest and cutest clothes a human could ever wear.

Remember the anxiety leading up to birth, it's scary man. But remember?... God was with you and He helped you through it.

Remember those contractions. Those ones right near the end. The death grip on the hospital bed rails, your husband's hands. But remember?...It was over so quickly. So quickly.

Remember the urge to push, and how intense it was. Remember?...It was fantastic.

Look up, you remember seeing that baby come out. Remember the holding? The warmth. The relief. The presence of God. You did it. And just like that, it's over.

And you're home. Recovering. With you're new baby.

Remember the learning to breastfeed, both of you. Remember?...that special, unique bond?

Remember the first week home. The (literally) painful sleepless nights. But remember?...Everyday is a new day, a new accomplishment.

Remember adjusting to having two children. Splitting your time. Missing the time with your older one(s). Remember?...There's always a way to make it work. Be patient.

Oh, remember. The smell. That sweet, clean, milky, new baby smell. Remember how quickly they grow and change.

Remember, a baby doesn't last long. Shortly after - you have a child not a baby, in school. Learning to take on this world all on their own. Remember the little attitudes. The not-listening, the whining. The children all crying at once(!!). Remember laughing at it though? Remember your lack of patience. Remember, you have no idea what their teenage years will be like. One day when you're about to make a very big decision, and you can't think clearly, come here. The good, the bad, the ugly. You know what I mean. Talk to God and just pray. He will guide you, He'll let you know whether it's the right decision or not. He's always in control, He knows. Trust Him.

But just remember. The love. That multitude of love.

Why WE do Halloween

 

I can understand why some don't "celebrate" Halloween. And I think its really a personal choice. We all know its a historically evil day that has become tradition, even if it's somewhat strayed from its original celebratory acts. There is still evil done on this day. Even today witchcraft practitioners declare October 31 as the most favorable time to practice their arts. So, with that being said I can completely see why people wouldn't want anything to do with it.

But WE - we do. Not to practise witchcraft or celebrate the devil or do evil deeds. We don't do monsters or demonic beings.
I remember dressing up as child every year, I never understood the evil background and that's not even close to the reason why I went out every year. It was fun to dress up. To have a cool costume. A princess or a power ranger. It gave my parents a reason to buy me new dress-up apparel. And I got to stay up a bit later and get candy. Hello.

Small children, like Leah, have no idea what its really "about". She just enjoys dressing up -this year (the same as last year) a pirate - and the idea of trick-or-treating, getting candy, for free. James is being Batman, in case you were curious. Really, the whole history of Halloween is one that I'm not going to sit down and explain to my 4 year old. One day, she'll know about it, when she can understand it. But for now, its not about anything else but dressing up and candy to her. And we enjoy that.

Personally, I have nothing wrong with the whole Halloween thing. Its fun. We don't do scary here but hey, if that's your cup of tea then that's you're choice. There are alternatives to handing out candy as well. You could hand out a pencil (yay) with a verse on it, or hand out scriptural messages with the candy.

We love God and this day doesn't change how we feel and what we know in our hearts to be true. Its just a day. God is bigger than one day.

Silence. It Really is Golden.

There's no doubt about it, a baby is exhausting. A baby and a three-and-a-half year old? Even more so. I love doing things with my whole family or just a game of Ponies or colouring with Leah, and its such a good time. Making silly memories. Loving on each other. And at the end of the day, rubbing your eyes, sighing with defeat relief.

Where most people look forward to weekends, I look forward to Monday-Friday (recently anyways). While Matt is on day-shift I get to wake up with Leah and James and get her off to the bus stop for school. (Our mornings go so much better than our nights around here.) After that, I come home and relax, or clean, or cook, or write, or relax, or read, or nap, or relax. And its quiet. So quiet. Besides when James is whaling to be fed. But for the most part, quiet. I even leave the TV/music off for the majority of the day. And just listen to the beautiful sound of nothing. It's golden. And I appreciate and need this time so bad. To collect my sanity, breathe, soak up all my squishy newborn-ness that soon won't be so newborn but baby.

I started to think about all of this earlier this morning and felt a twinge of guilt. Maybe because I get to enjoy all this and its without Leah and Matt. And Matt doesn't get to enjoy this. Not like I do anyway. Everyday though, we squeeze in Mommy-Leah time, Daddy-Leah time, and Mommy-Daddy time, so we're really not doing all that bad.
 

When Sunday rolls around, I may be bone-tired to the point of speaking improperly and not making any sense (I recently said "I'm putting James in the closet." rather than "I'm putting James in his car seat.") but the weeks are flying by and we're getting into the groove of this family of four thing. And I'm kind of loving it.

A Beautiful Day for a Birthday

 

So, on this day - this morning - twenty four years ago, I came into the world like pretty much every other baby does. Three days before my expected due date and exactly 20 years and one month after my mother herself was born. Here's some fun facts for you(!!):

*my grandmother had my mom 2 weeks after she turned 20 as well. (fascinating huh? Now your thinker is thinkin')
*I had Leah when I was 20 years and 2 months. ...I know, I know. Mind-blown, right? ha.


I'm another year older, maybe another year wiser. But definitely another year grateful. I have to say, I think my 23rd year of life has been the most eventful and exciting year thus far. Let's look back and reminisce shall we?

*I was baptised in November, a day I won't soon forget.
*Early December I had my wisdom teeth out (yep...big deal)
*In December we got pregnant.
*In February we got engaged.
*April we got married.
*And in September, well, my sweet boy graced us with his perfect, beautiful little self.
So blessed and so thankful for this amazing year. I'm spending this birthday with my family. My mom is cooking my favorite supper, followed by a yummy cake.

The sun is shining here today, the wind is blowing and the newly-changed leaves are gleaming with their vibrant autumn colours. Thank you, Lord.

We made it to one.

One month that is. One whole month of two children, lots of diapers, little sleep, fewer showers than I would like, and breastfeeding -its going, and its going well (says the chubby-faced little ONE MONTH old!!). I've also learned to appreciate more, even 5 minutes of silence. It's a beautiful and welcome sound that doesn't occur too often. And I have to say, most of that isn't from James. I've recently realized that Leah's "off switch" may be broken, or not exist at all for that matter, and yes, its taken me this long to fully comprehend. The talking...never stops. Ever. But with lots of 3-year-old-talk comes lots of laughs. James seems to be so taken aback by everything. It wouldn't surprise me if it was because of his wild big sister. Always asking, saying, singing or acting out something while jumping off furniture or doing laps around the house. She's exhausting but so full of love, and she's so worth every new wrinkle or grey hair we find (and yeah, its happening).
One of the many things I look forward to is learning all about his personality and watching that part of him grow as well. The brother-sister relationship that has already kicked off with a bang just warms my heart and I'm excited to see their bond grow.
Everyday is a fresh new start that begins with smiles and coffee. Its a new reality that isn't always pretty; most days the inside of our house is not a pretty picture, some days none of us get out of our pj's, occasionally we're a little over-frustrated, tears are shed (not only by children), and supper goes without being made. But everyday there are smiles and memories are made. This month flew by and I know I will blink and they'll be finishing high school.

Month one, complete. Bring it month two. :D